You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
