So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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