Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
