i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
