Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
