coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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