No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
