Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Welp...herpes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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