I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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