If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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