The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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