I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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