i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
