If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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