god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
