so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
