Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize