trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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