Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
