woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize