Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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