My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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