I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
