Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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