im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
