What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
