he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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