My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize