you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
