Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
