He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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