Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
