Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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