It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
