whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
