My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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