Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
