Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
