fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Drunk is not a location!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
