Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
someone owes me an orgasm
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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