im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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