So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
