Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
