I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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