This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
