No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
