we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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