Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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