I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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