Just fell off a train. Bad.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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