I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
