Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
