I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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