don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize