he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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