Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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