are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize