I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
