i jhust puked up my retainher.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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