we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
