you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Randomize
