We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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