i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I deserve this hangover.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
